Castlevania in TV Land
by Vampire Hunter X
Summary: Previously available on the Castlevania Bathroom. It's an older story, but it's still funny.
1. Default Chapter

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Castlevania in TV Land (Part 1)

Death: (Turning on television) All right. "Mysteries of Death" is about to start. I better go to the can before it does. Oh, uh, I forgot I was working on a new spell. Hmmm... well, I'll just leave it here with a note. Nobody will touch it. "Do not touch, signed Death." There we go.

(Death leaves. Vampire hunters, along with Slogra, Gaibon and Dracula, enter.)

Dracula: Yeah, go Packers.

Simon: I thought you were from Romania, not Wisconsin.

Dracula: Well, we don't have a football team, and I really like cheese. So, go Packers, yeah!

Gaibon: Who wants brownies? I just made 'em.

Trevor: Oh, you idiot! He's right there. Tackle him already!!!

Sonia: This game is so barbaric. Why are men always so interested with senseless violence?

Alucard: Then why are you watching it?

Sonia: I like to look at the players butts.

Gaibon: Hey Slogra, brownie?

Slogra: No thanks dude, I got the big sandwich.

Gaibon: Fine, I'll eat them myself. (Notices Death's note.) What's this? D...Do....Donut touch. Signed Death. Ohhh, this will go great on my brownies. He wont mind. (Opens Death's jar with glowing pink ball inside. The ball begins flying around the room, hitting everyone and sending them into the television.)

Minutes later...

Death: Who changed my channel? And what the hell happened to the jar? Can't you idiots read? Oh well. Hey what's this?

Dracula: (Inside TV) Yeah go Packers, go ooffffffff......

Packers: Look what you did old man, you made me miss the catch!

Dracula: The hell?

Death: Hahahahaha, they opened the jar, and it sucked them into the show. That's great.

Orlock: Hey Death, what's up?

Death: Sit down and watch a little TV.

Orlock: Is that the boss, being carried away on a stretcher?

Death: Yup.

Orlock: When did he get tickets?

Death: He didn't. They're stuck in the show.

Orlock: You serious? Cool. Let's see what else is on.

Audience: (Chanting) Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry.

Jerry: Hi, I'm Jerry Springer. Today's topic; vampire hunters, modern day heroes or just looking for trouble. With me now is Alucard, vampire and vampire hunter. Tell me, why do see a need to fight your own kind?

Alucard: They're evil.

Jerry: So does this mean you're evil?

Alucard: No.

Jerry: But if your good, then hasn't it ever been a possibility that others that you've killed were good too?

Alucard: No, just me. The rest are all evil.

Jerry: Well, I don't seem to be getting anywhere. So let's hear from my next guest, Gaibon. Mr. Gaibon, why do you think the vampire hunters hunt you.

Gaibon: Well Jerry, it all started about ten years ago. I was driving along, minding my own business, when I had to pull onto the freeway. Unfortunately, I didn't see the Belmonts, who were all riding in their mini van. I guess I cut them off or something, because they followed me all the way back to the castle and beat the hell out of me. Then they went after everyone else. 

Richter: That's not true you lying piece of @#%$.

Gaibon: Oh yeah, well #$#!@$# you and yo mamma too.

Richter: Why you?!? (They fight)

Orlock: Oh, this is great. 

Death: Let's see what else is on.

Man: Hello, I'm the Crocodile Hunter. And today, were gonna take a look at a strange little crittah. I think it's the last of 'is kind. His body looks like that of a dinosaurs skeleton, but with no skin. In fact, the only organs he does have are his eyes. Then, to make matters worse, he has this huge four foot beak, like that of a bird. Lets take a look. (Goes up to Slogra, chained and drugged.)

Slogra: Wow, this is great.

Croc. Hunter: Now, I'm gonna stick my hand down 'is mouth, and see what I can see.

Slogra: What the hell? Hey, don't go ughhggggghhhhh.......

Croc. Hunter: Now I'll just (chomp) ahhhh!!! My arm, he bit off my arm. Crikey, that smarts. They told me this would happen some day, but I just wouldn't listen.

Death: Ugh, this is disgusting.

Orlock: This from a man with maggots inside his stomach.

Announcer: COPS is recorded live along side the men and women of law enforcement. All suspects are considered innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.

Cop1: Okay, we got a call about five minutes ago about a couple of suspicious looking characters loitering around. They're supposedly armed, so we're gonna have to proceed with a little caution here.

Cop2: There they are up ahead.

(Cops park car and get out, shining flashlights.)

John Morris: Is there a problem officer?

Cop2: Do you gentlemen have a permit for your...what is that, a whip? What are you, some sort of pervert or something?

John: Look, it's not like that at all.

(Cop1 tries to take Eric Lecarde's spear.)

Eric: Get the hell out of here!

Cop1: Easy fella, we don't wanna hurt anyone.

Eric: Hey, I don't have to explain myself to you or anybody.

Cop1: He sounds drunk. Give him a sobriety test.

Eric: Oh no, not that.

Cop2: Just come along quietly and...hey, he's running.

(Eric runs, but not very fast. Cop1 tackles him.)

Cop1: All right asshole, your going away for a long time.

(Click)

Rock: The Rock will lay the smack down on your roody poo candy ass!

Simon: Bring it, bitch! (Rips off shirt. Rock runs into ring. Simon throws holy water in Rock's face, blinding him, and tosses him through the announce table. As Simon does his victory dance, Stone Cold comes into the ring, stuns Simon, and pours beer on him.)

(Click)

Dude1: Wuzaaaaaaaappppppppp!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Dude2: Wuzaaaaaaaappppppppp!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Dude3: Wuzaaaaaaaappppppppp!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Slogra: Wuzaaaaaaaappppppppp!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

(Click)

Announcer: American Movie Classics now presents "Abbot and Costello Meet Dracula."

Costello: Gee, it sure is spooky in here, Abbot.

Dracula: (Noticing Costello) The hell are you doing in my house, fool?!?

Costello: Abbot! Abbot, help!

Abbot: What'sa madda?

Costello: I saw a vampire. He was gonna bite me.

Abbot: (Slaps Costello) Snap out of it. You're crazy. There's no such things as vampires.

Dracula: And just who in the hell am I supposed to be, Batman?

Abbot and Costello: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dracula: (Chasing the two) Now get the hell out of my house before I beat the shit out of you. Oh, and I don't like biting pork. Jeez, first the Belmonts, then my own son, now these two jokers. I need to start locking that door.

(Click)

(Sonia stands in a cartoon world.)

Cartoon Wolf: Ooooooh, baby. (Eyes bug out and tongue rolls on ground.)

Sonia: (Grabbing the wolf's neck) You do that again, and I will rip out that tongue of yours and staple it to your ass.

(Click)

Regis: Well, you don't have any lifelines left. Do you still want to go for it?

Contestant: Let's do it.

Regis: For one million dollars, Columbus had three ships, the Nina, the Pinta, and

A. The San Jose B. The Santa Claus C. The Santa Maria or D. The San Salvador

Contestant: Hmmm... This one's pretty tough. I'm all out of lifelines, right?

Regis: Correct.

Contestant: I think it's either A or D, but I'm not sure.

Trevor: Oh, for crying out loud, it's C, you idiot! You hear me, C. Trust me, I was alive when it happened. I was there. I would know.

(Click)

Man1: I found a dollar.

Man2: Big deal.

Man1: Big deal!?! Did you know that you can get all your long distance telephone calls for only a dollar, if you call 10-10-811?

Man2: All calls for a dollar? With no monthly fees? Woweeee!

Alucard: Who cares, you cheap bastards. Even in my time, a dollar isn't a lot of money.

Gaibon: What's a telephone?

(Click)

Al Gore: So this is why we must reduce spending costs, and at the same time, raise enough money to feed the hungry children of Guatemala.

Simon: Man, is this guy boring.

Eric: Wait a minute. That pale complexion, those evil looking eyes, he must be a vampire. Let's get him, Simon. (Charges Al Gore)

Simon: Wait, Eric, he's not a vampire. (Eric hit's Al Gore with his whip, ripping off his skin.)

Congressman: Oh no, Al Gore is a robot.

Al Gore: Must.....Destroy.......Humans........

Eric: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Well, that's it for this part. What will happen next? Will our crew make friends with Jerry Seinfeld, or maybe drop in on Mr. Rogers. You'll just have to stay tuned to find out.


	2. Chapter 2

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Castlevania In TV Land (Part 2)

Death: Hello, and welcome back. Just to recap, in our last episode, the crew was all sucked into the television, and are now trapped in various TV shows. And.....uh.....I guess that's it.

Orlock: I told you we didn't need this stupid recap garbage. It's just a waste of time.

Death: Shut up you idiot. Besides, didn't you know were being paid for every word we say?

Orlock: Really? In that case, I'd no like to recite for you my favorite speech of all time, "The Gettysburgh Address." Ahem. Four score and seven......

Vampire Hunter X: (Pulling a gun) Don't even think about it. Just say the lines I've written, or we're gonna have problems.

Orlock: Uh..... like I was saying, on with the show.

(Strange 70's music starts playing.)

Gaibon: Now where are we?

(A car pulls up and a man in black leather steps out.)

John: Oh no, it's the Dark Priest Shaft.

Dark Priest Shaft: The hell you doin' messin' up my town fools? (Jumps on John and beats the hell out of him. Goes after Gaibon.)

Gaibon: Shaft, it's me.

Shaft: What's my name fool?

Gaibon: What?

Shaft: (Hitting Gaibon) What's my name?

Gaibon: Why are you being so mean to me?

Shaft: Say Dark Priest Shaft.

Simon: Man, that Dark Priest Shaft, he's one bad mother....

Sonia: Shut your mouth.

Simon: Hey, I'm just talkin 'bout Dark Priest Shaft. He's a complicated man, and no one understands him but his woman, Maria.

Maria: Shaft.

Shaft: Ya damn right.

Death: When did she come into this story?

Orlock: Beats me.

(Click)

Rosie: He's another real cutie patutie. Now, let's throw some Koosh balls into the audience. (Hits Richter in the eye.)

Richter: Ow. Bitch. (Throws an axe at Rosie.)

(Click)

Alucard: Hmmmm.......

Buffy: Eat this, you undead freak. (Stakes Alucard)

Alucard: Ahhhhhh.......Arrrgggggghhhhh.....Ugggggghhhhhhhh........bitch, you broke my rib. (Pulls out stake) C'mere, lemme see how you like it. Wait, you're Buffy, aren't you?

Buffy: What, you've heard of me?

Alucard: Yes. And I too am a vampire hunter.

Buffy: Why didn't you say so?

Alucard: (Holds up stake)

Buffy: Oh, right. Sorry about that, it's just that......ANGEL!!!

Alucard: (Looks over to see Angel being jumped by Richter and Eric.)

Richter: Die monster, you don't belong in this world.

Alucard: What are you doing?!?

Richter: Kicking the shit out of this vampire. What does it look like?

Eric: Bite the curb, pale face!

(Click)

Marshall: Hello Diana.

Diana: Hello Marshall.

Trevor: Looks like were in a soap op.......

Slogra: Shhhhhhhh......... I love this show.

Marshall: I have to tell you something. Something you may not want to hear.

Diana: What is it?

Marshall: I've been having an affair with your sister, Sheila.

Diana: No.

Slogra: NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You cheating son of a bitch!! (Charges Marshall and attacks him with trident.) You bastard, how could you!?! She loved you.

Trevor: (Pulling Slogra off Marshall.) Come on man, it'll be okay.

Slogra: That's just not right.

(Click)

Stan: Cartman, You're such a fat ass.

Cartman: I am not fat, I am big boned.

Dracula: No, actually your pretty fat.

Kenny: Mphhmfphfmmmmmmm.

Dracula: You said it kid.

Orlock: Hey, Death, isn't that the kid who kicked your ass that one time?

Death: Shut up.

(Click)

(Simon and Eric sit in the back seat of a police car with John and Sara Conner, and the Terminator driving.)

Sara: Who the hell are you?

Simon: Were....

Eric: (Pointing to the T-1000) Simon, look. It's Al Gore, he's found us again.

Simon: Damn you, Al Gore!

(Click)

Barbara: Hello, I'm Barbara Walters, and this is Twenty Twenty. Our top story today is...

Alucard: Get out of my way old lady. Death, you've gotta help us. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I just spent three hours with the cast of Friends. You think their annoying on television? Their even worse in real life. GET US OUT OF HERE!!!!!

Death: Alright, just give me some time to think about it.

(Click)

Richter: We really need to find a way out of here.

Orlock: I'll say. This is getting boring.

Vampire Hunter X: You think you can do better?

Orlock: Probably.

Vampire Hunter X: Man, I'm really getting sick of you.

Orlock: Likewise.

Trevor: Anyways..... Maybe we should try the Sci-Fi channel. If Sliders is on, then maybe we can (Steps on creature. Creature lets out a squeak.) What was that?

Richter: Don't worry about it. You were saying?

Trevor: Oh yeah. So then what we do is...... (They walk away)

Creature: Piiii.............kaaaaaaaaa..............chuuuuuuuuuu. (Collapses)

(Click)

Announcer: Lifetime. Television for women.

Hostess: Men.

Audience: Boooooooo!!!

Sonia: I could get to like it here.

(Click)

(Remaining characters stand with Richter in the apartment of Will & Grace.)

Richter: So that's what the plan is.

Gaibon: (Standing very, very, VERY close to Will.) Hmmm.... that just might work. Besides, what've we got to lose?

John: Gaibon's got the right idea. Let's do it. (Everyone looks at him funny) I mean let's go ahead with Trevor's plan.

Death: Here goes.

(Click)

(All the characters stand in a black room)

Simon: Where are we now?

Mike Nelson: What kind of movie is this?

Servo: It looks like a bunch of hippies, two dinosaurs, and Dracula. The hell?

Trevor: Hey, who you callin' a hippie, you poor excuse for a gum ball machine?

Crow: Hahahahahahaha.

Mike: A movie that heckles back. Boys, we've met our match.

Servo: Gum ball machine!?!?!?! That's it. You're gettin' it right in the shins. (Charges stage. Hit's screen and gets thrown back.)

Trevor: Nice job, dumb ass.

Orlock: (Looking at the script) Speaking of dumb asses, hey VHX, what's this all about?

Vampire Hunter X: Now what?

Orlock: In part one it says, and I quote, "Eric hit's Al Gore with his whip, ripping off his skin." Now when the hell did Eric get a whip?

Vampire Hunter X: It's called a mistake, jackass. But I don't suppose you've ever made one of those, have you?

Orlock: Nope, can't say that I have. I'm perfect in every way.

Vampire Hunter X: Now I can see why nobody else want's to use you in their fanfics.

Orlock: Actually, it's because you're too friggin cheap to try and do better. Hell, you didn't even get all the vampire hunters in this story.

Vampire Hunter X: That's it! I don't have to put up with this kind of crap! Get the hell out!

Orlock: Fine, but you'll be sorry.

Sonia: Anyways... Now how do we get out of here?

Dracula: Hey Death, any ideas?

Death: Lemme check the TV Guide.

Mike: Dad?

Servo: God?

Crow: James Earl Jones?

Death: I'm gonna send you guys over to TBS.

Mike: The Super Station.

Gaibon: Why TBS?

Death: Trust me.

(Click)

Announcer: We now return to "Tron" on Movies for Guys Who Like Movies.

Slogra: Tron? You mean that movie about those people trapped in a computer game?

Death: That's right.

Richter: How's that gonna help us get home?

Man: So you want to go home, is that it?

Dracula: Who are you?

Man: I am Lord Eclipse.

Slogra: I don't remember you in the movie.

Lord Eclipse: I rule this world. I will make a deal with you. If you play a game with me, and win, I will set you free.

Simon: And if we lose?

Lord Eclipse: Then you will serve me for eternity as my slaves.

All: (Talking at the same time.) Sure, that sounds fair. We can do that. I can live with that. Let's go for it.

Lord Eclipse: Very well then. Let the games begin.

That's it for part two. What will happen next. Can they win the game? What will the game be? Will Death decide to stop watching so much television, and get up and get a real job? Will I decide to pay Orlock for the work he did, or just hunt him down and kill him? All this, and more, next time.


	3. Chapter 3

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Castlevania In TV Land (Part 3)

Vampire Hunter X: Welcome back. You may remember that in our last episode I had an argument with a certain member of the cast. I won't mention Orlock's name, but this kind of behavior will not be tolerated. That's why I've decided not to include him in this part. So I'd like to take this time to introduce you to Orlock's replacement, the Minotaur.

Minotaur: Hey everybody.

Vampire Hunter X: On with the show.

Minotaur: (To Death) Hey, what's up?

Death: How's it going?

Minotaur: Is that the boss, being carried away on a stretcher?

Death: Huh?

Minotaur: When did he get tickets?

Death: The hell are you talking about?

Minotaur: You serious? Cool. Let's see what else is on.

Death: Wait a minute. You idiot, you're on the wrong part of the script. We're on part three now.

Minotaur: Oh, sorry.

Death: Let's just get back to the show. Dracula, what's the game gonna be?

Dracula: We don't know yet.

Lord Eclipse: (Pulling out a big wheel) Let's see what we're going to play.

Richter: Yes! I love Wheel of Fortune.

Lord Eclipse: No, this is just to...

Trevor: Wheel of Fortune rules.

Lord Eclipse: I haven't picked a game yet.

Alucard: I'm a master at Wheel of Fortune.

Lord Eclipse: Would you all just shut up?!? We're not playing Wheel of Fortune, damn it. (Spins wheel)

Gaibon: Come on tennis.

Eric: Are there any drinking games on there?

Lord Eclipse: (Wheel stops spinning.) Our game will be Football. (Transports them all to a football stadium, complete with spectators.) You may have first picks at teams.

Slogra: I think we should be...

Dracula: (Pushing Slogra out of the way) We're the Packers. Yeah, go Packers. Wu-hoooo. (Packers uniforms appear on all of them.)

Lord Eclipse: Very well. My team shall be the Knights of Hell. (Team appears, wearing suits of armor with spikes on the shoulders and helmets, and really big swords.)

John: Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh..........

Gaibon: I don't wanna play any more.

Lord Eclipse: You got first picks on teams, so we will go first at selecting a coach. We pick John Madden.

Simon: Who's that leave us?

Slogra: Look at this list of names. Gary Coleman, Gerald Ford, Carrot Top, who picked these people.

Lord Eclipse: I did, obviously.

Richter: Obviously.

Alucard: How about him?

Gaibon: Do you think we can trust him?

Dracula: We don't have a choice. He's the only person with any experience in this game. We're gonna go with O. J. Simpson.

Minotaur: My butt itches, does yours.

Death: I don't have any skin, remember?

Minotaur: (Scratching self) Oh yeah. Does it look weird to you? (Showing it to Death.)

Death: Aw man, get that thing out of here. And get back over to the other side of the couch. Even without a nose I can still smell you.

Trevor: This is horrible. We're down fourteen to three. Now what?

Slogra: I've got an idea. Hey Sonia, women can't play football. Why don't you go bake us something, or go join the cheerleaders on the sidelines.

Sonia: What!?! You piece of...

Simon: Here, run the ball.

Sonia: (Plowing through defense.) Yeeeeeeaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!! In your face, you sexist pig. (Does touchdown dance.)

Eric: Girl's got moves.

Sonia: What'd you just call me?

Eric: Well... Ohhh, look at the time. Gotta go kick the extra point.

Death: (Watching Eric kick the ball) All right, it's good.

Minotaur: Death, can you help me? (Biting the air) I've got a potato chip stuck on my horn.

Death: It's days like this that make me anxious to go to work the next day.

O. J. Simpson: (Drawing on a chalk board.) Here's the plan. Dracula, I want you to run right down the center of the field like this. John, you curve down this way and go long. Gaibon, you run around in a square pattern like this. Everybody got it?

Richter: That drawing looks like a knife.

O. J. Simpson: No it doesn't.

Richter: Yes it does.

O. J. Simpson: Who drew that? I swear I won't rest until the real artist is caught. You guys just get out there and play.

Simon: Blue twenty three, blue twenty...... hold on. (To Gaibon, who's about four inches away from him.) Back off!!! Hike.

Vampire Hunter X: Look, I thought I could get along without you, but I was wrong. We need you back.

Orlock: What about the Minotaur?

Vampire Hunter X: That guy? I'm sick of him. All he does is whines, complains, screws things up, and I think he relieved himself in the bean dip. Plus, Death says he's gonna walk if I don't get rid of the big dumb bastard. So, will you do it?

Orlock: I don't know. You were a real jack ass before. I want an apology.... and I want more money than you were giving me before... and I want my own dressing room with a buffet... and I demand that you rename the story "The Orlock Chronicles" and give me more lines.

Vampire Hunter X: The hell with that. You need me more than I need you. Hey, anybody seen Akmodan II?

Orlock: Wait, wait, maybe I was a little too hasty. Tell you what, since I'm such a great guy, I'll come back to work for the same amount as before. Deal?

Vampire Hunter X: Glad to hear it. Now get to work.

John Madden: That's the end of the third quarter, so I'm gonna take this time to look back at some of the games highlights. Now right here, (Shows video replay) we see my team, perfectly lined up and ready to go. They've really got their act together. Now the Belmont's team on the other hand, they're a complete and utter mess. There's no formation, and they just stand around wherever they want. It makes me wonder if Simpson is really doing his job over there, or if he's just plotting to kill someone. Yet they still seem to be winning seventeen to fourteen. I don't understand it. The Knights of Hell started off beautifully at the start of the game, but it soon turned to garbage. I haven't seen Lord Eclipse complete one pass in the last hour. It makes me wonder why I take these low paying amateur coaching jobs.

Audience: (Snoring)

Trevor: Huh....... is he finally done?

Mills Lane: Let the game continue.

Simon: Alucard, go long.

Knight#08: You wanna score with that thing, you're gonna have to get past me, vampire boy.

Alucard: Okay. (Alucard bites him) 

Lord Eclipse: Hey ref.!

Mills Lane: I'll allow it.

Later...

O. J. Simpson: Come on. We gotta take these guys out. We gotta kill em, kill em all. 

Simon: We're still up by six, and there's only 45 seconds left on the clock. If we can keep the ball from them for that long we'll win.

Slogra: Give it to me. I'll make sure they don't get it.

Simon: We're counting on you. Set hut. (Throws the ball to Slogra.)

Slogra: Hey boys, you want it? Then come and get it. (Jumps into the bleachers and goes through the spectators.)

O. J. Simpson: That's it man, cut through those people. Cut through them like a knife through my ex wife.

Lord Eclipse: Ref.!!!!!!

Mills Lane: I'll allow it.

Lord Eclipse: You've got to be kidding.

Slogra: (Running through stadium halls) Excuse me, commin through. Whoa. Hey watch it pal.

Hot Dog Vendor: You stupid dinosaur!

Vince McMahon: You know, this is pretty entertaining. How would you guys like to sign with the XFL?

Trevor: Wow! You mean I get to put my life on the line every week for 1000 dollars? That would be a dream come true. Thanks, but I think I'd rather play Castlevania 64.

Slogra: Now where are (Looks behind him) oh crap. Ah ha. (Runs into the women's restroom.)

Women: Ahhhhhhhhhhh.....

Slogra: Just pretend I'm not here.

Knight#21: Now what? We can't go in there.

Lord Eclipse: Out of my way you idiots. (Runs into the bathroom.)

Slogra: Hey pal. Come in here often?

Lord Eclipse: You... (Tackles Slogra. Slogra fumbles.) It's not too late. I can still run it in.

Mills Lane: (Blowing whistle) Time's up. That's game.

Slogra: Too bad. Well not really.

(Stadium disappears. Everyone stands in a black room.)

Trevor: (Like Nelson on the Simpsons) Ha ha.

Dracula: You said you'd let us go home if we won.

Lord Eclipse: I didn't plan on you cheating. I'm the bad guy. It's my job to cheat.

Gaibon: Hey, we've got more bad guys on our team than you.

Lord Eclipse: (Opening a portal) Fine, but don't think this is over. Next time, I'm gonna win.

Richter: (Sarcastically) Sure. Next time. You've got it.

Sonia: Let's go. (They all walk through the portal.)

Lord Eclipse: Aw man. You know what I should have said?

Simon: We're home.

Death: Glad to see you guys.

Orlock: Wait a minute. Why did you go through all that trouble to bring me back if you weren't gonna use me for the rest of the story?

Vampire Hunter X: Simple, I forgot about you guys.

John: Now what do we do?

Eric: Anybody wanna watch some TV?

Everybody: Sure.

Jay Leno: So did you hear about these vampire hunters that have been showing up on all these television shows? Never since "It's Pat" have viewers had so much trouble telling the men apart from the women.

Alucard: Hey Death, you still remember that spell?


End file.
